Comfort and Joy
by Vol lady
Summary: It's Christmas 1879 at the Barkley ranch. Audra gets a terrific Christmas present, but she's also dealt a very bad blow when she is attacked by a stranger. As her brothers try to find the man who did it, Jarrod finds he has to give up a couple of his secrets.
1. Chapter 1

Comfort and Joy

Christmas 1879

Inside the Barkley mansion, the trimmings were all up and the egg nog was ready. Hundreds of cookies on a dozen trays were set out around the living room. Neighbors were expected to drop by all afternoon – it was, after all, Christmas day.

Jarrod had arrived from San Francisco two days earlier and was relaxing in his "thinking chair" by the fire, his feet up on the coffee table, a glass of egg nog in his hand. He contemplated all the opened gift boxes under the tree with a contented smile. His mother had given him the new boots he needed and Nick, Heath and Audra had all come up with dress shirts to replace the ones he'd managed to ruin over the course of the year. His family members seemed to be pleased with the gifts he'd given them. Silas contributed the best late morning breakfast ever made – and since Silas was one of the best cooks in California, it was surprising that he outdid even himself.

The only thing missing was Maggie, but she had declined to come here with him. She wasn't ready yet. He wasn't either – he hadn't even told his family about her. But he really missed her.

Victoria came in from the kitchen, touching Jarrod's shoulder. "What happened? Did you eat too much?" she asked.

"No, no, not at all," Jarrod said, and saw her disbelieving eyes. "All right, a bit too much, but I'm not collapsed. I'm just enjoying my egg nog and the smell of those wonderful cookies."

Victoria sat on the settee across from him. "Audra and I really slaved over the cookies this year. She had a new recipe Carl's mother left him that he'd never had anyone try, and she wanted them to be perfect."

Jarrod started to get up. "Guess that means I'll have to try one right away."

Victoria raised a finger. "No, you don't. She and Silas and I have already tasted them."

"And?"

"They're so much better than my recipe it isn't funny."

Jarrod laughed. "You know, this was about the nicest Christmas I can remember, maybe because I'm not here all the time anymore. Makes me appreciate the joy of the season more and being around the people I love."

"Are you still happy you moved to San Francisco?"

Jarrod nodded. "Yes. It was the right decision. My practice is growing all the time, and things are going exactly the way I want them to go. And let's face it, any minute now you're going to have a new son-in-law to take my place. You won't miss me in the slightest."

"While I really hope you're right about the new son-in-law, he will never replace my first born," Victoria said. "I am proud of you, Jarrod, in every way, but I do wish you could find time to come visit more often."

"I'll make a New Year's resolution," he announced. "Once every other month, for at least one day, at least."

Victoria was about to say she'd settle for that if she had to, but the front door opened. Audra came in with Carl Wheeler. She had him by the hand and he could barely keep up with her as she rushed into the living room.

"Mother! Jarrod! We have an announcement!"

Jarrod and Victoria both stood up. "Oh?" Jarrod said in mock surprise. "What could that possibly be?"

Audra popped him playfully in the arm. "You knew! How did you know?!"

Jarrod took hold of her hand and admired the ring. "Carl showed the ring to Nick and Heath and me and then swore us to secrecy. I figured this was one secret you wouldn't mind me keeping." He winked at his Mother.

Victoria hadn't known. Jarrod passed Audra's hand to her, and she was in tears the moment she saw the beautiful, single diamond ring. "Oh! Oh, my goodness! I have to start planning a wedding!"

"Not right this minute!" Carl said. "We set the date for June 15th."

"Here, I hope," Victoria said.

"Of course, here," Audra said, "with a reception in the garden. It ought to be beautiful in mid-June."

Victoria threw herself into Carl's arms. Surprised, he almost blushed, and he did laugh. "So you'll call me Mother from now on!" Victoria said to him.

"Yes, ma'am," Carl said, taking the hand Jarrod offered while still holding Victoria with his other arm. "Or, yes, Mother."

"Welcome to the Barkley family," Jarrod said. "And may heaven help you!"

XXXXX

Every visitor who came by that day was introduced to Carl Wheeler as Audra's fiancé, and it seemed like none of them was really surprised. The house was as festive as Victoria had ever seen it, but her mind was on that future wedding, what the house would look like on that day, how each of her sons would have a particular job to do – and yes, Eugene would come back to do his part or she would disown him.

When Victoria caught a look at Jarrod, if she had Audra's wedding on her mind, she automatically saw him coming in the front door with his wife beside him, nearly two years ago now, and she immediately looked away. Her only other child to have been married, and a widower unacceptably fast under horrible circumstances. She did not want to dwell on that, not when there was so much happiness in this room. Even Jarrod was grinning ear to ear and explaining to everyone that there was no way anyone else was going to give the bride away. This was Christmas, and the gift of a new member of the Barkley family was too glorious to be marred by what happened in the past.

Nick and Heath came in from the range at about two. They were immediately accosted by Audra, who gave them the same punch in the arm she had given Jarrod for knowing about Carl's plan to propose before she did. They kissed her congratulations, shook Carl's hand, and then quickly went upstairs to change clothes. Then they were back downstairs, greeting guests, drinking egg nog and eating cookies.

When all the guests had come and gone, and everything quieted down, Silas came into the living room and announced dinner was served. He was met by groans all around. Cookies had done everyone in – except for Nick, who popped up out of his easy chair and said, "Wonderful! Let's eat!"

Even Carl said, "Nick, someday your stomach is just gonna explode."

At the end of the day, Jarrod was reading in the library when he heard Carl and Audra talking out front. Carl was about to leave to go home. Jarrod caught a glimpse of them kissing in the soft porch lights, and he smiled before he turned back toward his desk to give them some privacy. For a moment, he did remember Beth, how delighted he was to bring her home through that front door, how the future was so bright for them both.

He sighed the thought away. It was something that was never to be, and right now he wasn't sure it was ever going to be with Maggie. But he hoped with everything in him that Audra's and Carl's future would be everything they wanted it to be. He vowed to himself that he would do everything he could do to make sure it was.

XXXXX

"You need to get some fresh air, get San Francisco out of your lungs," Nick said to Jarrod as the family finished breakfast the next morning. "You ought to come out with us and help us brand those cattle we picked up in Modesto last week."

"Strange time of year to be branding cattle, isn't it?" Jarrod asked.

"Not for these. Bought them unbranded from a guy who raises cattle for resale to ranches. He doesn't brand his calves, and these are yearlings we picked up. Beautiful stock, reputable seller, really good price this time of year. I just want to get them branded before bad weather sets in."

"Well, tell you what," Jarrod said. "I'll go out with you, but I'll do the cutting and chase the strays. The rest of you can wrestle those beasts to the ground and brand them. I'm too out of shape for that."

"Deal," Nick said.

Audra said, "I'll be with Carl for most of the day. Don't plan on me for dinner."

Victoria said, "I never plan on you for dinner these days, Audra, unless you make a reservation ahead of time and make it for two."

"Shall we start planning the wedding today?" Audra asked her mother with a twinkle in her eyes.

"I'll be giving the bride away," Jarrod immediately claimed his spot.

"Best man!" Nick said, raising his hand.

"What's left?" Heath asked.

"Ushers," Victoria said, "you and Eugene. But you'll be the one to walk me down the aisle."

Heath grinned. "I like that idea."

"Wonderful! That's settled!" Victoria said. "Now, we need to decide on flowers and food for the reception, and you boys will have to make sure you get haircuts and shaves in the morning. No scruffy just off the range look, and then there are musicians – "

Jarrod, Nick and Heath all got up from the table together. Jarrod said, "Time to go see the cows."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Heath got the chance to look up from his branding chores every now and then to see Jarrod cutting one of the new head of cattle out of the herd for branding or chasing a stray trying to get away. He realized he shouldn't be surprised at how well Jarrod was still able to do it – especially the cutting – because Jarrod always was a good horseman. To Heath's eye, he handled a cutting horse remarkably well, almost as if the horse was an extension of himself.

Nick caught him watching and shaking his head. "What are you looking so surprised about?"

"Jarrod," Heath said. "He hasn't done this but once or twice since I've been here, but he still handles the cutting and stray chasing like he's been doing it every day."

"Jarrod taught me how to do it," Nick said. "He's still got some secrets to it that I don't understand – sometimes I think he handles a horse better than I do. But don't let him near a branding iron. His aim hasn't always been that great."

Heath laughed.

They took a lunch break at noon and gathered at the chuck wagon.

"Still feeling spry, old man?" Nick asked.

"I'm holding my own," Jarrod said. "You were right. It does feel good to get this good country air in my lungs – even if it's full of the smell of cattle."

"Which is better? Cattle smell or San Francisco smell?" Heath asked.

"It's a toss-up," Jarrod said. "Listen, I've been thinking about Audra and Carl's wedding. What do you say we chip in together and give them a honeymoon they'll never forget?"

"Audra just got back from traveling," Nick said. "I'm not sure it would be a treat to her to do it all over again."

"I was thinking more along the lines of a week in San Francisco at the Palace hotel," Jarrod said. "It'll cost a pretty penny, but it would be worth it."

"Carl at the Palace," Heath said thoughtfully. "We could recoup the expense by selling tickets to see that."

Nick laughed.

Jarrod said, "No, the fun part will be when we have him fitted for his formal wear for the wedding and then tell him he'll need it in San Francisco."

"Whoa! We can double those ticket prices!" Heath said.

"Mother's already told me she's paying for Audra's wedding gown and Carl's monkey suit," Nick said.

"Well, we can still torment the hell out of him," Jarrod said.

"Something tells me this is gonna be a fun wedding," Nick grinned.

"Hey, whattya say the three of us go to town tonight, play a little poker?" Heath said. "I can't remember the last time we lived it up together."

"I'm in," Jarrod said.

"Me, too," Nick agreed. "But let's get back to work so we have enough time. We still got a lot of cattle to brand."

They gulped down the last of their food and got back to work.

XXXXX

"Oh, my," Jarrod said as he limped in the front door at a bit past midnight. "I'm not sure I'm up to days like this anymore."

He looked a little green around the gills as he wandered into the living room and sank into his thinking chair. Nick and Heath, both a bit more used to this lifestyle, grinned at him.

"Come on, now, Pappy," Nick said. "Don't tell me you don't have some long nights in San Francisco."

"I have plenty," Jarrod said, "but they're not preceded by long days cutting cows and herding strays. You boys can do the fieldwork on your own tomorrow. I'm going back to my paperwork."

"Think you can make it up to bed on your own?" Heath asked.

Jarrod got up and headed for the stairs. "I'm not that old."

"You were the big winner tonight," Nick said as he and Heath followed along. "You could afford to put an elevator into this place."

Jarrod considered it. He pictured the one with the giant screw device in New York City. "Nah," he said and pulled himself up the stairs. "Too easy to get too soft. Good night, boys."

"He's gonna be sore in the morning," Heath said to Nick as they watched Jarrod limp to his room.

"Hung over is more like it," Nick said. "He did more drinking tonight than I've seen him do in months. I think he's gotten out of the habit."

"Probably not a bad habit to get out of," Heath said.

XXXXX

Jarrod was ashamed to admit to himself that he was a little hung over in the morning, and he tried to hide it, but smirks went around the breakfast table when he had trouble keeping his eyes open.

"Well, I was the big winner," he defended himself.

"Will you take me to the orphanage today?" Audra asked. "Carl is tied up with branding the new stock he bought with Nick and Heath."

"Sure, honey, I'll be happy to take you," Jarrod said. "What time do you want to go?"

"Right after lunch. I'll need you to come get me at four or so. Is that all right?"

"I'll be there," Jarrod said.

"It's hard to believe it's the third day of Christmas already," Victoria said. "How long will you be staying this time, Jarrod?"

"I'll need to go back on the 30th," he said.

"Not staying for New Year's?" Nick asked.

Jarrod winked. "I have plans."

"What's her name?" Audra asked quickly.

"Now, now," Jarrod said. "Never pry into a single man's social life."

"When do you think you'll be back again?" Victoria asked.

"I'm not sure," Jarrod said. "I'll let you know as soon as I can."

"We promise not to make you ride herd again," Heath said.

"Happy to chip in anytime you like, Heath," Jarrod said.

"Sure," Nick said.

XXXXXXX

Jarrod dropped Audra off at the orphanage and took himself to visit old friends of the legal community. Audra had several books she carried in – children's books she had acquired over the last few months – and the kids surrounded her as soon as they saw her.

"Hello, everyone!" she replied to all the cries of "Audra!" and "It's Audra!" and "She brought books!"

The nun who ran the orphanage, Sister Maria Theresa, tried to gather the kids together so they would not knock Audra down with their enthusiasm, but it was like trying to herd little mice. Audra laughed it off and found a chair to sit in. As soon as she sat down, the children sat down around her, just as they always did.

"Before I read to you," Audra said, "I have a surprise I want to show you. I have a new ring on my finger!"

She held her hand out, and the children all ooohed and aaahed at her engagement ring.

"Was it a present?" one of the boys asked.

"A very special kind of present," Audra said. "My boyfriend gave this to me, and it means that we're going to get married!"

The kids grew quiet. Audra was taken aback. She didn't understand why they suddenly looked unhappy.

Sister Maria Theresa said, "Oh, Audra, it's just that the last time one of the ladies who came to read to the children became engaged and got married, she had a baby and had to stop coming."

"Oh," Audra said and looked at all the sad faces. "Well, I'm not getting married until summertime, and I won't have a baby for a long time after that, so I'm going to keep coming every chance I get."

The faces turned to smiles again.

Audra felt immensely better. She opened one of the books. "All right, now. This is a story about a mother deer and her fawn who lived in the woods far away…"

Audra spent a long time reading to the children, until heads began to droop, then she helped them get settled for their naps. While they slept, she helped Sister Maria Theresa get the playroom straightened up, and before very long, it was close to four o'clock.

"When will you be able to come again?" the nun asked as she got ready to leave.

Audra looked at all the sleeping beauties curled up on mats on the floor. "The day after tomorrow, I think," she said. "I'll bring some of our Christmas cookies. We made far too many this year."

Sister Maria Theresa saw Audra to the front door, but it wasn't quite four o'clock and Jarrod was not there. "Maybe you should stay until your brother arrives."

Audra looked down the street. "Oh, no, it's all right. I see our buggy not that far down the road. I'll probably reach it just as Jarrod gets back. Good-bye, Sister. I'll see you the day after tomorrow."

The nun went back inside the orphanage as Audra walked down the street.

There were plenty of people outside down where the buggy was, but the street was pretty empty near the orphanage. Audra didn't give it a thought and just walked straight for the buggy.

She didn't even see the man who grabbed her from behind and pulled her into an alley. Her books and reticule when flying as some big man pushed her down hard onto the ground.

She tried to scream for help, but he put his hand over her mouth. She tried to get a good look at him, but he kept moving, and then he was tearing at her clothes and pushing himself down on top of her.

"Oh, God, help!" she managed to get out before he hit her in the face. It knocked her senseless.

But someone on the street had heard. "Who's in there?!" a deep man's voice yelled.

The man on top of Audra got up and ran farther away down the alley and away. The man who had heard the noise stopped in the street and looked down. He saw Audra lying in the alley and ran in to see to her. "Miss? Miss? Oh, my God, Audra!"

The man turned around and ran out into the street. He saw Jarrod getting into the buggy only a couple blocks away.

"Jarrod! Jarrod Barkley!"

Jarrod heard his name and looked up.

"Come quick! Come quick!"

Jarrod ran to the man as fast as he could. The man pointed into the alley.

"It's your sister!"

"What?!" Jarrod said and went numb when he saw her lying there still in the dirt. He ran in to her and bent down to her. "Audra? Audra?"

He saw horrible things. Her face was bruised, her lip was bloody, and her clothes were ripped and pulled almost off of her. He quickly pulled her clothes together to cover her up and found the strength to pick her up and get to his own feet. He immediately hurried toward the doctor's office, gathering onlookers all the way, including the sheriff.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jarrod sat shivering in the waiting room of the doctor's office, his head in his hands, his legs aching and wobbling uncontrollably. He had run to the Dr. Merar's office with Audra in his arms – far more exertion than he'd made in ages – but he was frantic and now, with the adrenalin wearing off, he was feeling every bit of it. The doctor hustled him out of the examining room as soon as he saw the state Audra was in, and he had the sheriff go find Mrs. Merar to help him with Audra. She arrived only minutes later, and now it was Jarrod and the sheriff, alone in the waiting room.

"Why didn't she wait for me at the orphanage?" Jarrod moaned, barely audible. "I would have been there on time. She should have waited."

Sheriff Madden had gathered up Audra's belongings and put them on a table in the waiting room. Then he sat beside Jarrod and put a hand on his back. "Take it easy, Jarrod. She's alive, and I don't think she was hurt too badly."

"Fred, you saw what he did to her," Jarrod whispered. "You saw."

"We don't know what he did, Jarrod," the sheriff said. "Let's wait to hear what the doctor says. Do you want me to send for your mother?"

"Not yet," Jarrod sniffed, realizing for the first time that he had been crying. "Not until we know more."

Jarrod felt his chest tighten. _Oh, God, no,_ he thought. _Not now. Dammit, not now!_

The pressure eased off. He took deep breaths to calm himself down.

It seemed like an eternity but it was only 45 minutes or so before Dr. Merar came out. Jarrod and the sheriff stood up fast.

Dr. Merar smiled. "She's fine. Just a bad bruise on her chin, a bump on the back of her head and a split lip and a very bad scare."

Jarrod asked, "Was she assaulted?"

"Whoever he was, he tried, but he didn't succeed. She's all right. She knows he didn't do any more damage than the split lip and bruised chin, and fortunately, she doesn't remember most of it. He knocked her unconscious pretty fast."

Sheriff Madden asked, "Can I talk to her?"

"If Jarrod is with you, but not for long, and I don't think she'll be much help. She never got a good look at the man before she got knocked out."

"Jarrod, I would like to talk to her for a minute."

Jarrod nodded. Dr. Merar said, "Go on in. My wife got her some fresh clothes and you can take her on home. She'll be sore, but she'll be fine."

Jarrod left his hat and Audra's things in the waiting area and went into the examining room, Sheriff Madden following behind. Audra was sitting up in a chair now, dressed in clothes Jarrod did not recognize. The doctor's wife was beside her, keeping a hand on her shoulder. Audra's face was streaked with tears that came flooding out again when she saw her brother. "Jarrod!" she cried and reached for him.

Jarrod knelt down and took her into his arms. She cried even more. "It's all right, honey," he said soothingly. "It's over, and you're all right. The sheriff wants to ask you some questions."

"I didn't see him," Audra sobbed. "It just happened too fast and then he hit me, and then I woke up here."

"Did he say anything, Audra?" the sheriff asked, and when she shook her head no, he asked, "Did you hear his voice at all?"

"No," she sobbed. "Nothing. He pulled me from behind, and I never saw him and he never made a sound. Oh, Jarrod, please, I want to go home."

Jarrod held her even closer and looked up at Sheriff Madden. "Fred, would you mind riding out to the ranch ahead of us and telling Mother what happened? Make sure she knows Audra is all right, will you?"

The sheriff nodded. "I'll leave right away and stay there until you get there."

"Thanks," Jarrod said and the sheriff went out. "Audra, honey, I'm going to bring the buggy around to the back and we can leave from there, all right?"

Audra nodded.

Jarrod let her go. "I'll be there in only a minute, all right?"

Audra nodded again.

Jarrod hurried out to the waiting room where he picked up his hat and Audra's things. Then he went the front door, across the street and up a block to where he'd left the buggy. A couple people he hardly saw asked after Audra, and he said she was going to be all right. As fast as he could, he unhitched the buggy, climbed in, and slapped the reins. He was in the alley at the back door of the doctor's office in seconds.

Mrs. Merar and the doctor were at the back door with Audra, who was standing on her own now but still shedding tears. The doctor had given her a handkerchief. Jarrod jumped out of the buggy to help Audra into the other side, but Dr. Merar herded him back in after giving him some sleeping powders for Audra. Dr. Merar helped Audra in beside him as he held the horse still.

"All right?" Jarrod asked his sister as she settled in.

She nodded, sniffled a "Yes," and Jarrod took off for home.

XXXXXX

The trip home was in silence, and Jarrod found himself controlling a rage that grew and grew every time he looked over at his sister. He did his best to quiet it down, because he knew himself too well. He could not afford to let his anger get away from him.

He had to concentrate on Audra, not himself. He forced himself to feel love, not anger, when he looked at her, and it began to work. He put an arm around her and pulled her to his shoulder, and she cried even more.

"It's all right, honey, we're almost home," he said soothingly, soothing himself as well as his sister.

When he pulled up to the front door, Ciego was waiting there to take care of the buggy, and the sheriff and Victoria were coming out of the front door. Sheriff Madden helped Audra down and into her mother's arms. Victoria immediately took charge, talking softly to Audra, leading her inside. Jarrod thanked Ciego for his help, took Audra's things out of the buggy and went inside with the sheriff.

Victoria was about to lead Audra up to her room, but she looked at Jarrod for a moment first. He gave her the sleeping powders Dr. Merar had given him – she recognized them for what they were. Satisfied that Jarrod was all right, she took Audra up to her room.

"Has she said anything more?" the sheriff asked Jarrod.

Jarrod shook his head and put Audra's things down on the table in the foyer. "She's still far too upset, but I don't think she saw or heard enough to help us. Fred, this happened in broad daylight. You've got a bigger problem than just Audra. Whoever did this to her could go after anybody, and even if he wasn't inclined to do that, people will be afraid he will."

"I know, Jarrod, I know," Sheriff Madden said. "And I better get back into town and try to keep people feeling secure enough that they don't go attacking anybody they think is behind this."

"Did you by any chance send anybody after Nick and Heath?"

The sheriff nodded. "I sent one of your hands. How about you? Are you all right?"

"I will be," Jarrod said and took a deep breath. Then he saw the concern in the sheriff's eyes and shook his head. "I won't go off half-cocked."

"Be careful. You know how you can get."

"Yes, I know, and that's why I won't get out of hand. That won't ever be happening again. Don't worry about me. Worry about Nick and Heath and Carl Wheeler."

"Carl?"

"He and Audra are engaged."

The sheriff took a deep breath. "I'll ask you and your brothers to look to him, if you would. I'll have my hands full in town."

Jarrod nodded, and the sheriff left.

Jarrod was left alone with himself then. He considered getting some brandy for himself but decided against it. He didn't need anything that might threaten his control over himself. Instead he just sat down in his thinking chair, the one closest to the fireplace, and concentrated on pulling himself more firmly together.

He didn't hear his mother come back downstairs and didn't know she was there until she touched his shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked up at her. Taking a glance at the clock, he realized he had been sitting there for twenty minutes.

Victoria sat on the settee. "She's calmed down. I gave her a powder and she's sleeping. She's not hurt badly physically, Jarrod, but emotionally, she's distraught."

"I know," Jarrod said quietly.

"I'm not sure you do," Victoria said. "She's afraid of how Carl will react to this attack on her."

"Nick and Heath and I will look after Carl."

"No, you don't understand. She's afraid Carl will – reject her now. Because the man who attacked her – the way he tried to attack her."

Jarrod understood now. He didn't know what to say. "We'll talk to him if he needs it."

"Whether he says he needs it or not, he'll need it."

"Mother – "

"Jarrod, you know, you've seen this among some of your clients. Carl's very manhood has been threatened, whether he says so or not. He'll react, maybe against Audra as well as against the man who attacked her."

"We'll look after him, Mother," Jarrod assured her. "We won't let this come between them if we can do anything at all about it."

Victoria nodded. "Now – how about you?"

"I'm fine, Mother. I got my demons under control on the way home."

"Are you sure?"

He looked at her sincerely. "I am sure. What happened before is never going to happen again. Don't worry about me. Save your concern for Audra. She's had a very bad scare."

"I know."

Jarrod realized this was all beginning to settle in on his mother. He took her hand. "We'll all be all right, Mother. I'll stay on longer if you want me to. You all still come first with me."

Victoria smiled and kissed Jarrod. He smiled back at her and squeezed her hand.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Heath got home first, explaining that Nick was going to Carl Wheeler's to tell him what happened before someone else did and to bring him to Audra. Audra was still asleep when Heath got home, so he only looked in on her and then came back downstairs to the living room, looking troubled but a little more at ease than he did when he got there.

But then it was time to discuss what had happened. "Nobody got a look at who did this?" he asked his older brother.

Jarrod shook his head. "Not even Audra. It's gonna be very hard to find him unless, God forbid, he attacks someone else."

"Are we sure this was random and he wasn't after Audra in particular?"

"No, we're not sure of anything."

"Well, I'm gonna get the guard around her doubled, just in case," Heath said and headed for the door.

Jarrod and Victoria let him go. Then Victoria got up, saying, "Well, I'd better let Silas know what's happened, and we'd better get to dinner. I think Audra may sleep clear through until morning."

"One of us will stay with her during the night, Mother," Jarrod said.

"No, I will," she said right away.

"Mother – "

"I'll catch a nap after dinner. And that's the end of the discussion."

She went off to the kitchen, and Jarrod knew he'd lost another argument with her.

Jarrod tried to get back to some paperwork he'd brought with him, but it wasn't long before Nick came bursting through the front door, Heath and Carl trailing along behind him. Nick saw Jarrod and came toward him, heavy footfall pounding and spurs jangling.

"Where's Audra?" he asked right away. "Is she all right?"

Jarrod got up from the desk in the living room and met his brothers and Carl halfway. "She's upstairs, sleeping," Jarrod said. Then he addressed Carl. "She's not badly hurt, just a bruise on her chin, a bump on her head and a split lip. The man who attacked her knocked her out right away, and someone from the street chased him off before he could do any more damage than that."

"Does the sheriff know who it was?" Carl asked.

Jarrod shook his head. "No, no one saw him, not even Audra. She's gonna be all right, Carl. He didn't do any more to her than hit her, but as you can imagine, she's frightened and upset."

Carl started for the door. "Well, I'm gonna go find out who did this to her."

Heath grabbed him by the arm and stopped him. "Wait a minute, Carl, wait a minute. The sheriff's working on that. Let him do his job."

"With nothing to go on?"

"You don't have anything to go on, either," Nick said. "Now, just stay put with us for now, will you? Stay for dinner."

"I wanna see Audra," Carl said.

"She's sleeping," Jarrod said. "I can let you look in on her, though."

Jarrod took Carl by the arm and led him upstairs, and somehow everything the Barkley men had said and done calmed him down enough to keep him from running off to town. Nick and Heath watched as Jarrod led him up to Audra's room.

"Have you seen her?" Nick asked Heath.

"Just looked in on her. She was already asleep by the time I got here," Heath said. "Doc gave her something, I guess."

"Jarrod and Mother are all right?"

"Seem to be. I think it's Carl we gotta keep an eye on, at least until he gets to talk to Audra."

XXXXXXXX

Dinner was more quiet and tense than usual. Carl stayed, but he did not eat much, and he excused himself and left fairly quickly. Nick followed him to the front door and stopped him there before he could get away, but when he took hold of Carl's arm, Carl turned and gave him an angry look.

"I hope you're just heading home," Nick said.

"Where I'm going's not your concern, Nick," Carl said.

"It is if you're heading off to find the man who hurt my sister," Nick said.

"My fiancée," Carl reminded him.

"Carl, you don't even know who to look for."

"If I go into town and check the saloons, I'll lay odds that I'll know something by the time the night is over."

"Then let me go with you," Nick said. "Wait for me to get my hat and my gun and tell the family I'm going, and let me go with you. Come on, Carl, she's my sister."

Carl said, "Nick, you know what this guy tried to do to her."

Nick said, "Yeah, I know," but he suspected there was something more to what Carl was saying, or not saying. "But he didn't do it. Audra's all right."

"You ever love a woman who was attacked, Nick? You ever felt like you weren't there when you should have been, and some other man – " He stopped. He couldn't say the words.

Nick began to get hot. "She's not a wagonload of damaged goods, Carl."

"No, of course not, it's just – she's mine. I should have been there."

"If you think you can rein in a Barkley woman every minute of every day, Carl, you don't know us!"

"That's not it, Nick!"

By this time, Heath and Jarrod were in the foyer, too. Carl saw them, even though they stopped several feet short of him and Nick.

"Then what is it?!" Nick yelled.

"Some stranger took what's mine!" Carl said flatly. "No man takes what's mine!"

"Carl, she wasn't hurt in any way that you need to feel threatened by," Jarrod said quickly. "She's all right, and when she wakes up she's gonna need you."

"Jarrod's right," Heath said. "She doesn't need to wake up to find out her fiance's going to prison."

Victoria came in behind Jarrod and Heath then. Something in her eyes calmed Carl down, at least for the time being, but he said, "Come with me if you want, but I'm going into town to find out what I can find out."

Each of the Barkley men went for their guns, their hats and their jackets. Victoria traded concerned looks with each of them, and each one of them reassured her with their eyes that everything was going to be all right. As she watched the front door close behind them, she sighed, and went back to the dining room to help Silas clean up.

XXXXXXX

When they got to town, Carl headed straight for the nearest saloon. Nick and Heath dismounted with him, but Jarrod saw that there was still a light on in the sheriff's office. "I'm going to check in with Fred," he said and rode on.

Carl, Nick and Heath walked into the saloon. It was crowded and noisy, but the talking all ground to a halt when the men inside saw them come in. Carl immediately took it the bad way, that they were all pitying him, the nothing of a man who couldn't keep a stranger from taking his woman. "What do you think you're looking at?" he growled.

Nick took him by the shoulder. "Carl, come on, get a beer."

Nick steered him to the bar, and for a while the three of them just stood there, drinking in silence. Finally, one man came up to Carl and said, "Carl, how's Audra doing?"

"She's fine," Carl said.

"Did she see who attacked her?"

"No."

"You got any ideas who did it?"

"No."

His terse answers made Nick break in. "Do you?" he asked the man frankly.

"No," the man said, surprised. He pointed to a man at the other end of the bar. "Jack over there, he's the one who chased him off."

Carl immediately went over to Jack, the Barkley men right behind him. Carl knew Jack Gardner fairly well. He was a farmer who worked land not far from Carl's. "Jack, I hear you chased the guy off who attacked Audra Barkley."

The farmer looked up at him. "Yeah, I – saw him attacking her and I yelled and he ran off."

"Did you see who he was?"

"No, I didn't," Jack said. "I never saw his face. He just ran."

"What was he wearing?" Heath asked.

"Just – work clothes, dirty, denim pants maybe, brown shirt. I told the sheriff all of this."

"Tell us," Nick said. "Anything else you remember? Color of his hair?"

Jack shook his head. "Dark and dirty. That's all I know. When he ran off, I just ran to get your brother Jarrod, and then the sheriff. I'm sorry."

Nick looked the most frustrated, Carl the most angry. The room was still quiet. Carl looked around at everyone and said, out loud, "Anybody knows anything about who attacked Audra Barkley, I want to know about it, because if I find out later you knew and you didn't tell me, I'm coming after you."

"Carl – " Nick said and tried to take his arm.

Carl shrugged him off and headed for the door. Nick looked around the room, as if to emphasize what Carl said. Then he and Heath left to go after Carl.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jarrod caught up with Carl and his brothers as they headed for the next saloon. "Fred didn't have any more information," he told them. Then, more quietly to Heath, he said, "I take it the first stop didn't yield anything new either."

"Just Carl letting some of his anger out on other people," Heath said. "We talked to Jack Gardner. He chased the guy off, but he didn't see much of anything. This guy sounds like everybody and nobody."

Jarrod grunted. "Where we going?"

"Wherever Carl goes."

So they followed him to the next nearest saloon, where they had even less luck than at the first. At the end of all their drinking and questioning whoever they could question, they still had no idea who had attacked Audra.

Nick finally put a hand on Carl's shoulder as they left the last saloon. "Come on, buddy. We've done all we can do tonight. Let me ride home with you."

"I don't need a nursemaid, Nick," Carl said to him, standing in the street and looking around as if he were looking for somewhere else to go, someone else to ask.

Jarrod said, "Nick has a point, Carl. Things might be fresh in the morning. At least we'll be."

"I got a herd to take care of in the morning, and so do you," Carl said.

"I don't," Jarrod said. "I'll be back here. I'll keep asking."

"And if you find out anything, will you be telling me?"

"After I tell the sheriff. You have to take time to get yourself under control, Carl. Come see Audra tomorrow. Let me do the investigating."

Carl looked hesitant. It was written all over his face – how could he see Audra? After what that man had tried to do to her, how could Carl see her?

"She'll need you tomorrow, Carl," Jarrod said.

Carl just took off for his horse. The Barkleys went behind him, and as they all mounted up, Nick looked at his brothers with eyes they could read in the dark. He was going home with Carl. They left him and headed back to the Barkley mansion.

XXXXX

When they got home, Jarrod and Heath looked in on Audra, only to find their mother there in a chair beside the bed, reading a book. They looked at each other, exchanging the same thought. They couldn't let their mother spend all night beside Audra.

"Mother – " Jarrod said quietly.

Victoria looked up and came out into the hall with them so they could talk. "Did you find out anything?" she asked.

"Nothing new," Jarrod said.

"Mother, you can't spend all night up with Audra," Heath said.

"I had a long nap," she said. "I'll be fine. Where is Nick?"

"He's gone home with Carl," Jarrod said. "We weren't gone long enough for you to have a long nap, Mother."

Victoria smiled a little. "You were gone for four hours. I slept most of that time. I'll be fine, and I'll get some more sleep tomorrow."

There was no use arguing with her. She turned and went back in to her daughter and her book. Jarrod and Heath closed the door.

"She'll probably fall asleep in that chair," Heath said.

"Maybe," Jarrod said. "But now you know another reason I left. One less child to spend sleepless nights with."

"Good night, Jarrod," Heath said.

"Good night," Jarrod replied.

XXXXXXX

When Audra woke up in the morning, she initially forgot what had happened the day before. She stretched as usual and then tried to get up – and saw her mother asleep in the chair beside her bed. And remembered.

She started to tremble at the memory. It started to come back on her – being grabbed, being torn at, screaming for help, being hit – and then nothing until waking up in the doctor's office, waking up frightened and ready to scream again and again.

"Audra – " her mother's voice interrupted her thoughts. She saw her mother smiling at her.

"Oh, Mother," she whispered.

Victoria got onto the bed next to her and held her. "Everything is all right now, Audra. You're home and you're all right and you're safe."

"Did that man – did he – oh, Mother, I don't remember – "

"He hit you and that's all. You have a bruise on your chin, a bump on your head and a big, fat lip, but that's all."

"Oh – I can't let Carl see me like this!"

Victoria laughed a little. "He already has. He looked in on you last night. Everything will be all right."

Audra closed her eyes, as if by closing them she could make everything unhappen. But when she opened them again, her mother was still there.

Victoria kept her smile and brushed a wisp of hair out of Audra's eyes. "You should eat some breakfast. It will make you feel better."

Audra said, "I don't want to come down yet. I don't want to – "

"See or be seen," Victoria finished the thought for her when she couldn't do it. "I understand, darling. You're hurt, and you're embarrassed, and you're still afraid. But you're safe now."

"Carl," Audra said. "I'm afraid – " She couldn't finish it.

"You will talk and work it out together," Victoria said. "Carl will be back, if not today, then tomorrow, and maybe you'll feel less embarrassed about your big, fat lip when he comes back."

"That's not – that's not what I'm afraid of," Audra almost whimpered.

"I know," Victoria said. "It will take a little time, but you will work it all out together, you and Carl. In the meantime, I'll get a tray for you, and I'll stay and talk with you as long as you want."

Audra nodded.

Victoria kissed her on the forehead and went down to get her some breakfast.

Silas was alone in the kitchen. The dining room table was already cleared of breakfast dishes, and neither Jarrod nor Heath was anywhere around.

"Good morning, Mrs. Barkley," Silas said. "How is Miss Audra this morning?"

"A bit better," Victoria said. "Are Jarrod and Heath gone already?"

"Yes, ma'am. Mr. Heath is out on the range and Mr. Jarrod has gone into town."

Victoria nodded. "Can you fix a tray for Audra and me? I'll just have my breakfast with her."

Silas smiled and stepped aside. Behind him, on the table, he already had a tray started. All it lacked was the food.

Victoria smiled. "I don't know where we'd be without you, Silas."

"Oh, you'd be fine, Mrs. Barkley," he said. "You might have to eat Miss Audra's cooking, but you'd be fine."

XXXXX

In town, Jarrod checked with the sheriff again and still learned nothing new. He decided he was going to have to just do a lot of walking around town and looking, particularly at strangers, because he couldn't believe that anyone who actually knew Audra could do what had been done to her.

He had a bit of wistfulness hit him when he saw his old office and the sign was gone. It didn't cause him any regret, though. In fact, it made him wish he could go back to San Francisco when he'd planned.

He missed Maggie. They had seen a lot of each other over the past couple months, and he was enjoying it. He was definitely falling more in love with her every day, and this time apart was making him miss her company. She was quite a woman. He could tell her anything.

Could he tell her about what had happened to Audra?

He wandered the streets and stared at every man he came across. He knew practically all of them personally. A lot of them stopped him to chat – how was Audra doing? How did he like living in San Francisco? Did he have any plans to move back to Stockton? He enjoyed the attention and he liked catching up on other people's lives, but he wasn't learning anything new.

Until Jack Gardner came along and asked him to join him for a beer. Jack kept him at the far end of the bar and spoke in low tones after the beer came. "I saw somebody this morning, somebody I didn't know, and when I looked at him from the back, I thought he looked a bit like the man I saw running away from Audra."

Jarrod's ears pricked up. "Same clothes? What was it?"

"Maybe the same, but the build, the way he carried himself, reminded me of the man."

"Where did you see this guy?"

"Coming out of the hotel. I guess he's staying there."

"I wonder why. Can you point him out to me if you see him again?"

"Sure."

"Let's head over there when we finish these."

They finished the beer fairly quickly and went over to the hotel. The clerk at the desk looked surprised to see them. "Mr. Barkley, Mr. Gardner, hello," the young man said.

"Hello, David," Jarrod said to him and leaned on the counter, turning the register around so he could read it. "We're interested in somebody you might have staying here, a stranger, not a regular. Got anybody like that?"

"Three or four," David said. "Holidays brought some strangers in, most on their way to someplace else to see family."

"They wouldn't stay more than one night, would they?"

"Not usually, but a rockslide down Modesto way has the train going south canceled for a couple days. Should be back open by tomorrow."

Jarrod didn't like that. The man they were after could be leaving too soon. "David, any of these strangers kind of unfriendly? Standoffish?"

"They all are," David said. "They're mad about the train."

"Well, they could have taken a stage, couldn't they?"

"Stage going south has been all booked up. Holidays and the rockslide. Not even any mounts available for sale. No, I got three or four men just stuck here."

"You got names?"

David looked at the register. He had long ago learned to read it upside down. He pointed. "There's McKeldin, Magitt, Stoufer and that one there, Grimes."

"Are any of them around here at the moment?"

David looked around as much as he could see. "No, not a one."

Jack said to Jarrod, "Jarrod, I just came in for a few supplies. I gotta be getting back home."

Jarrod nodded. "I understand, Jack. Thanks for your help. Oh, before you go – describe the man you saw to David. You said there was something about his build and the way he carried himself"

Jack said, "Well, not a real big guy, kind of average but husky in the shoulders. Wore work clothes, kinda dirty. When he ran away from Audra, he moved like his legs got stiff or hurt him."

David shook his head. "Two of these guests are wearing work clothes – look like field work clothes. I haven't noticed either one limping or anything like that, and I just haven't looked close enough to call them husky."

"Who's wearing the work clothes?" Jarrod asked.

"Uh – Magitt and Grimes, I believe."

"I gotta go, Jarrod," Jack said and turned toward the door.

Jarrod nodded, saying, "Thanks, Jack," and Jack left the hotel.

"Would you do me a favor, David?" Jarrod said, straightening up from the desk. "I'm gonna go nurse a cup of coffee and a little to eat in the café here. If any of these guys come in, will you give me the head's up?"

"I'll sure try, Mr. Barkley, but it does get busy in here sometimes."

Jarrod nodded. "Do your best. It's for my sister."

David smiled. "I'll do my best."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Nick stayed with Carl for a few hours that morning. Carl let him, but he didn't like it much. They both went straight out to Carl's herd, which Carl was moving to his winter range.

Nick liked the look of the herd. They were fat and happy and would weather the winter just fine. "Beautiful," is all Nick could say.

Carl finally smiled. "I'm real proud of them. How's your herd doing?"

"Nicely," Nick said. "We got the new stock all branded – Jarrod helped with the cutting and rounding up strays. The man's got more umph in him than I gave him credit for."

"I heard he carried Audra from that alley to the doctor, practically running all the way."

"Well, you hurt someone he loves, and you know how Jarrod can get."

Carl looked suspicious. He knew about Jarrod's history after his wife's death. "Is he okay?"

"Seems to be," Nick said. Then he looked closely at Carl. If he had to guess, he thought Carl was worried Jarrod would get to the man who attacked Audra before he could. "Don't you go getting all Jarrod on me," Nick said almost angrily.

Carl looked away, calming down a bit. "Whoever would have thought Jarrod would be the Barkley to be afraid of?"

"Just don't go competing with him," Nick said. "We're gonna get this guy, today or tomorrow, and we're gonna get him so legally that he'll be in Quentin before another week goes by."

"Look, Nick, why don't you go on take care of your own herd?" Carl said. "I don't need watching anymore than Jarrod does."

Nick considered that, and evaluated it. "You gonna go see Audra today?"

Carl looked hesitant. "Maybe I ought to let her rest a day."

"She needs you, Carl," Nick said.

"I know that," Carl said. He almost said, "but –" but he didn't.

Nick said, "Well, I'll head on out if you'll think about seeing Audra, if not today, tomorrow. Deal?"

Carl nodded. "Deal."

Nick turned his horse and rode off toward his own herd. Carl watched him go, and for an hour or so he stayed with his own men and made sure Nick would not be coming back. Then he told his foreman he was going to town and he would be back later.

And he left.

XXXXX

Jarrod wasn't having much luck just casing the Cattlemen's hotel. David never gave him a warning that any of the men who were strangers passing through had come into the hotel, and maybe they just hadn't. One good poker game in one of the saloons could tie a stranger up for hours. After the lunch crowd came and went, and he had a sandwich to go with the eggs he'd had earlier, Jarrod left and tried hitting the saloons again.

He nursed a long beer at the first place he hit, but he knew every man who came and went, and there was no poker game going on. It was getting on toward four o'clock when Jarrod went into the last saloon in town and stepped up to the bar.

There was a poker game going on in the back of the room, and there were two men in the game that Jarrod did not know. He took his beer over to the table. There was a vacancy.

He waited for the hand to play through and asked, "Mind if I join you?"

A man he knew said, "Have a seat and bring plenty of Barkley money."

Jarrod sat down and took his wallet out. "Any limit, Cal?"

"Not today," the man said as Jarrod looked around at the other players, who did not look at him.

Jarrod put his money on the table. "What's the game?"

"Dealer's choice."

None of the other men ever looked up. There were two there that Jarrod did not know. One of them was now dealer and said, "Seven card stud, nothing wild." And he dealt without ever looking up.

The game was quiet – no chit chat. No one said a word that wasn't related to the game. Jarrod figured out pretty quickly that these men were serious about their poker and had been at this for hours.

Then, about an hour into the game, Jarrod finally noticed one stranger's hand. His knuckles were skinned, as if he'd scraped them on something – or hit someone. Jarrod was just about to ask about it when someone else came up to the table.

"Got room for one more?"

Jarrod looked up. It was Carl. "Surprised to see you in town, Carl," he said.

Cal motioned Carl to pull up a chair. Carl sat down, saying, "I got the poker itch tonight."

Jarrod looked over his shoulder. It was dark outside – early sunset this time of year. Carl joined into the game and it continued in silence, but Jarrod noticed something – Carl was watching the same two strangers that he was.

XXXX

Audra watched the sun go down and cried when the light faded, leaving her in the dark. She did not even feel like lighting a lamp. Carl had not come to see her today, not at all.

She shivered at thinking about him. Maybe he was never going to come back. Maybe what had happened to her made him change his mind about marrying her, about even speaking to her again. Maybe he was gone forever.

She just sat in the chair and cried, until she decided to get back into bed. It was then her mother came in, and seeing no light on, knew that her daughter was in distress.

Victoria quickly lit a lamp just inside the door. "Audra? Are you awake?"

"Yes," Audra said quietly.

Victoria saw she was in bed. "I was hoping you'd come down to have dinner with us."

Audra shook her head.

Victoria came closer. "What is it? What's bothering you?"

Audra looked up. "Carl didn't come."

Victoria sat on the bed with her.

"Mother, what if he never comes again?" Audra cried. "What if he just can't – love me anymore?"

Victoria took hold of both her hands. "Stop that nonsense. Carl loves you very much. If he didn't come today, it's probably because he thought you needed rest, or needed your own space to deal with things. Which I think you have needed, Audra."

"Maybe," Audra said, "but right now I need Carl."

Victoria kissed her daughter. "Are you sure you won't come down for dinner?"

Audra shook her head.

Victoria got up. "I'll have Silas bring you up a tray. I want you to eat every bit, and tomorrow I'll let you sleep in but you will come down to be with us at lunch. And Carl will probably come sometime tomorrow, when you can talk and work everything out. Everything will work out, darling. I know it."

Audra finally gave her a small smile, and Victoria left. She was still very worried, but she wasn't about to let Audra see that.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she saw Nick and Heath coming through the door. They were both dusty from working all day. Nick was removing his gloves and hat, and Heath was beginning to unbuckle his gunbelt.

"Hello, Mother, how's Audra?" Nick asked.

"Better, but still worried about Carl," Victoria said. "Have you seen him?"

"Not since this morning," Nick said. "Those two need to get their heads together soon and sort this thing out."

"That won't happen until both of them are ready," Victoria said. "Have either of you seen Jarrod lately?"

"Not since this morning," Heath said. "He was going to town."

"Jarrod?!" Nick yelled.

"Oh, Nick, please," Victoria said. "You've got a sick sister upstairs."

"I don't think Jarrod's here," Heath said.

He and Nick looked at each other. "He went to town this morning and he's not back yet?" Nick said.

Heath rebuckled his gunbelt, and Nick put his hat and gloves back on. Nick leaned over and kissed his mother. "Don't worry. Knowing our brother, he's gotten his nose to the ground and sniffed something out and a little bit of darkness isn't gonna make him give it up."

"Don't hold dinner," Heath said, "but don't worry, either. We'll be back before too long."

Nick and Heath went out the door, and Victoria fought hard not to worry. If Jarrod had found out something, there was no telling what he would do to chase it down. Whenever something like this happened, she was reminded of his vendetta after Beth was killed, how he nearly had gotten himself killed and certainly got his head twisted around for months. She worried.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The card game was still going on as half past six rolled around. Jarrod wasn't about to leave the table while the two strangers were still there, and Carl wasn't about to leave while Jarrod was still there. Carl knew Jarrod was onto something, even though he couldn't talk to him about it. They had taken one break to take care of personal business, but the strangers had been too close the whole time for Jarrod and Carl to talk. So, the card game went on.

"You know," Jarrod finally broke the chit-chat ban, "Cal here and Carl I know, but I don't even know who you other two are. Just passing through?"

They both just nodded.

"My name's Barkley," Jarrod said.

One of the strangers said, "Grimes." The other said, "Magitt." And that was all they said.

It was enough. They were two of the men staying at the hotel. The game went on.

At about seven, Jack Gardner came in. Jarrod caught a glimpse of it and double-taked. He hadn't expect Jack to come back to town tonight. He got a drink at the end of the bar and looked like he always did, but then he looked over at the card game – and looked itchy. Jarrod caught his eye. Jack glanced at Magitt – and nodded.

Jarrod understood. The earth almost shook underneath him. He felt his rage rising up so fast he could hardly control it. His hands shook when he placed his latest bet.

"Well, I'd say you had a new tell, but I don't think that's it," Cal said.

Carl grew interested. Jarrod would not look at him.

Jarrod calmed himself. He didn't want his chest to start tightening on him now. He needed to say something to get Magitt to give himself away, if he was the man who had attacked Audra. Jarrod said, "Say, Carl, did you get over to see Audra today?"

Carl was instantly onto him. "No, no I didn't," he said. "How is she doing?"

"Just play cards," the man name Grimes complained.

Jarrod eyed him. "Just checking with my friend about him visiting my sister, his fiancé. She was attacked yesterday – broad daylight – pulled into an alley by some coward who couldn't finish what he started."

Magitt looked up at Jarrod. Their eyes locked. Jarrod knew. He had him.

When the hand was over, Magitt called it a night and went out of the saloon. Carl and Jarrod were right behind him.

They ran into Nick and Heath coming in. Carl did not stop, but Nick grabbed Jarrod. "We were worried about you, Counselor."

Jarrod tore himself away. "Not now, Nick. I think we got the s.o.b. who hurt Audra."

The three of them went out after Carl and saw him duck into an alley. By the time they got there, Carl had the man named Magitt cornered and at gunpoint, both of them lit up by light coming from the building bordering the alley. Carl was shouting threats at the man.

The Barkley men stopped about ten feet behind Carl. Magitt looked past Carl and at them, not pleading and not even seeming disturbed by Carl threatening him.

Jarrod pushed ahead of his brothers. "Carl! Put the gun down! This isn't gonna work!"

"Get outta here, Jarrod," Carl said over his shoulder, growling. "Nick, Heath, you, too. I mean it."

"No, Carl, I won't leave," Jarrod said, moving closer. "Carl, I know what you're feeling – "

"The hell you do!" Carl yelled.

"The hell I don't, and you know it!" Jarrod cried. "I know Nick told you everything that happened when I lost Beth! Everything! Carl, Beth is dead! I'm never going to hold her in my arms again! But Audra is alive and hurting and she needs you! Right now, she needs you!"

Carl's hand began to shake. "She's hurting because this maggot attacked her!"

Carl was going to shoot if no one did anything. Jarrod yelled at him. "Do you love her?!"

"What?!"

"Audra! Do you love her?! If you love her, you'll go to her right now and be with her! You remember the vows you're planning to take, Carl? In sickness as well as in health! She's been hurt, Carl! Give me that gun and go to her! Let the sheriff do his job with this piece of garbage!"

Jarrod took another step closer. Carl looked down at the gun in his hand.

Somehow the sheriff had heard the commotion, and he entered the alley behind Nick and Heath. His deputy was right behind him.

Jarrod kept talking. "If you truly love Audra, you'll put the gun down and go to her. Carl, she's alive but she's hurting and she needs you."

Jarrod stepped even closer and took the gun out of Carl's hand. The moment he did, the sheriff and his deputy ran to Magitt and took him away. Nick quickly came to Carl, put arms around his shoulders and got him out of there before the law could decide to take him off, too.

Heath stayed with Jarrod, who finally breathed again, letting the gun in his hand fall to his side. Then, suddenly, his chest exploded in pain and he fell back against Heath.

Heath caught him and eased him to the ground. "Jarrod? Jarrod!"

Jarrod laid the gun on the ground and quickly reached for the pills he kept in his inner jacket pocket. Shaking almost too much to get one out, he finally managed, put a pill under his tongue, screwed the little bottle shut and put the bottle back inside his jacket.

"Jarrod, what's wrong?!" Heath cried, looking around for help, but everyone else had left the alley.

"It's all right," Jarrod gasped. "Just give me a few minutes. Everything will be all right."

Heath held onto his brother for several minutes before Jarrod began to breathe easier and relax. "Are you all right, Jarrod?" Heath finally asked.

"Better," Jarrod said. "Can you help me up?"

Heath picked Carl's gun up and put it under his belt before he helped Jarrod struggle to standing. Jarrod was still unable to stand on his own, but a minute or so later, he got his legs under him. Heath kept hold of him anyway, even as Jarrod turned around to look at him.

"Jarrod, what happened?" Heath asked.

Jarrod shook his head. "You can't tell anyone about this. Not Nick, not Mother, not anybody, you hear me?"

"You tell me what happened," Heath ordered him.

"I've got a heart problem," Jarrod said. "I don't want anybody to know yet."

"What do you mean, you don't want anybody to know? I thought you were dead in my arms!"

Jarrod gave a weak smile and put a hand on Heath's shoulder. "That's why I don't want you to tell anyone. It looks a lot worse than it is."

"That's all the more reason you should tell us!"

Jarrod shook his head. "When I'm ready, Heath. When it's time. It's not time yet."

"Time for what? What are you waiting for?"

Jarrod took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "Heath, this is not gonna get any better. It's just gonna get worse, but it may take years to do that. How can I tell everybody about it? They'll be looking at me like you're looking at me now, like I'm dying every time I have an attack. I'm not dying, Heath. Not yet, not next week, not next month, maybe not even next year. Maybe not even for years. How can I watch Nick and Audra and Mother be afraid for me every day for years?"

Heath said, "And what are you gonna do when something like this happens and you collapse in front of them?"

Jarrod sighed. "This wasn't a regular day, was it? I don't talk a man out of killing another one every day. It won't repeat itself anytime soon. Please, Heath. I need you to do this for me. I need you to keep this to yourself. If this happens again in front of you or in front of anybody else, I'll reconsider my decision, but for now, Heath, please, do this for me."

Heath sighed and closed his eyes. He had seen something like this in older men before, but never in anyone as young as Jarrod. Heath was scared, so scared he was trembling.

How could he keep this to himself? All it would take is one episode like this in front of his family and they would never trust him again, but if he didn't keep the secret, would Jarrod ever trust him again? And if he insisted Jarrod tell everyone, would Jarrod have another attack right here and right now?

Heath decided. He shook his head. "No."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 _Heath decided. He shook his head. "No."_

Jarrod squeezed Heath's shoulder. "Heath – "

"No, Jarrod, I'm not gonna let you do this to Mother and Nick and Audra."

Jarrod felt panic ride up inside, and Heath could see it in his face. "Heath!"

"No!" Heath yelled at him. "You and your secrets, well this is one I'm not gonna keep for you. You got no right keeping this from us – " Something dawned on him. "You knew about this when you moved away, didn't you?"

Jarrod heaved a sigh.

"How long?!"

Jarrod closed his eyes. "Heath - "

"How long have you known, Jarrod?! Tell me!"

"Yes, I knew when I left!" Jarrod almost spit in his face. "I've known for almost a year! I've kept it from everybody because I wanted to! I'm the one who's dying, dammit! I'll keep it to myself if I damned well want to!"

Heath straightened when Jarrod said the words. _I'm the one who's dying._ There was the truth. There was the despair deep down inside of him that he was hiding, and wanted to keep hiding.

Jarrod said, "You kept the secret for Nick. Well, now it's my time. Keep this secret for me."

"Jarrod," Heath said quietly, "when I kept the secret for Nick, I was wrong. I saw what it did to the rest of you. I was wrong, and I can't do that again. You need us now, more than ever, and we need you. After what happened with Nick, can't you understand that?"

Jarrod closed his eyes again. "Yes, I do understand, but I finally understand why Nick did what he did. Heath, I don't know how long I've got – maybe another year, maybe five, nobody knows. I can't spend every day I have left seeing the look in Mother's eyes – the look I'm seeing in yours right now. I'm gonna be confined to my bed soon enough. Let it be then. Let me feel like a healthy young man until then."

Heath took a deep breath and shook his head again. "Jarrod – I can't do it. They'll know the minute they look at me that something's wrong, and I just can't lie to them about it. I'm sorry. I just can't do that again." Then he thought of something. "And don't you plan on disappearing like Nick did, because I will come after you. I will tell everyone, and Nick and I will come after you."

Jarrod sighed. He felt his knees shaking but it wasn't one of the heart symptoms. He was just scared, because he was going to have to tell his family and he didn't know how. "All right, Heath. All right. But let me tell them when we're all together again, back at the ranch, and when Audra and Carl are all right. I can't dump this on them while we're all still worried about Audra. Let me have that at least."

Heath nodded. "All right."

Jarrod abruptly grabbed him around the back of the neck with one hand. "And understand something," he said, pointing a finger at him. "I'm not gonna die next week or next month or probably even next year. I can still take care of myself, and I will still live in San Francisco. I still have my career, and I still have all the reasons I left to live there. I have my clients and their secrets, not just this one of my own."

Heath nodded. "I understand," he said, but he thought, _We'll just have to see what Mother thinks about that._

Jarrod let him go. His hat had fallen on the ground when he collapsed, so he bent over and picked it up. "Let's go check on Audra and Carl. They're the most important thing right now."

Heath nodded again. At least he could agree with that.

XXXXXX

Victoria heard someone coming in the front door, but before she could get downstairs, they were in. Nick and Carl. Victoria breathed a huge sigh of relief when they looked up at her and began to climb the stairs toward her.

"Everything's all right," Nick said right away, as he and Carl passed by her.

Nick walked Carl toward Audra's room. He knocked on the door when they got there, then opened the door for Carl to go in. He did not even look in, just closed the door behind Carl and came back down toward his mother.

"She'll do better now, Mother," Nick said, putting an arm around her and leading her back downstairs.

"Where are Jarrod and Heath?" Victoria asked.

"They'll be along. Jarrod talked Carl out of taking his anger out on the man who hurt Audra. The sheriff has the man – they might have a few questions for Jarrod, I don't know. But they'll be along soon."

Victoria let out a big sigh, looking upstairs. "I hope Carl can live with this now. I can't stand the thought that this might break them up."

"Pappy gave him a good talking to," Nick said. "Can always count on Pappy when we need him."

Victoria smiled.

Inside her room, Audra saw Carl come in. She was in bed, and she looked absolutely terrified to see him. It broke his heart. He came toward her slowly, crying. "Audra, it's just me," he tried to calm her.

"I know," she said, trembling.

"Audra, honey, I'm sorry I haven't been here," Carl said and sat down on the edge of the bed, facing her.

Audra held herself back a bit, but did not panic.

Carl took her hands. "I wanted to kill the man who – who hurt you. I went to do that. I really intended to do that."

"You didn't – " she said.

"No," he said quickly. "No, I didn't. Jarrod talked some sense into me. He talked a lot of sense into me. He said – he said he couldn't hold Beth in his arms anymore, but I could hold you, and I knew he was right. I knew I needed to be here and hold you. Oh, please, Audra, may I hold you?"

Audra burst into tears, but leaned forward for him to take her in his arms. All of his doubts, all of both their fears melted away as they just held each other for a long time.

XXXXX

Heath and Jarrod came in the front door a few minutes after Nick and Carl. They both tossed their hats on the table in the foyer and came into the living room, where Victoria and Nick were sitting together on the settee.

"Is Carl all right?" Jarrod asked.

"He's upstairs with Audra," Nick said. "I think he's gonna be okay. You talked the right sense to him."

"I hope so," Jarrod said and sat down in his favorite armchair by the fireplace.

"You looked drained," Victoria said.

"Yeah," Jarrod sighed. "It was tough."

Nick started to get up. "You want a drink?"

"No, no," Jarrod said and Nick sat back down. "I'm way too tired for it." Jarrod leaned back and stretched his long legs out in front of him, staring into the fire. "You really think they're gonna be okay?"

"They're still up there together," Victoria said. "What scared her the most was what would happen with Carl."

"Well, it looks like they're talking things out," Nick said. "Thanks to you, Big Brother. I know it had to hurt you – talking about Beth like that."

Jarrod grunted and did not look at anyone. "It needed to be said. I needed to say it."

They heard a door open and close upstairs, and soon Carl came down and joined them in the living room. "She's sleeping now," he said. "We talked a lot, and we're both a lot better than we were a few hours ago. Thanks, Jarrod. I owe you."

Jarrod shook his head. "No, you don't. And even if you did, you'll pay me back when you marry my old maid sister."

Carl smiled. "You talk like you'll be the one giving her away."

"I'm planning on it," Jarrod said, and he got up and offered Carl his hand.

Carl took it. "I'll be heading home, and I'll stop by tomorrow to look in on Audra."

"Good night, Carl," everyone said, and Carl went out the front door.

Jarrod sat down heavily in his thinking chair again, but he was barely seated before Victoria got up, walked over to him, and kissed him. It made him smile. "Have you eaten, Mother?

"A little while ago. I think I'll go to bed now," Victoria said. "It was exhausting just waiting with Audra for you men to come home."

"I think I'll grab a sandwich and then hit the sack, too," Nick said, getting up. He took hold of his mother's hand. "See you two in the morning."

Jarrod and Heath both said good night to them, and they walked away together, Nick to the kitchen and Victoria upstairs.

Heath watched them go, but Jarrod just stared into the fire. When Victoria and Nick were out of sight, Heath looked down at Jarrod. "Are you all right, Jarrod?"

"I'm fine," Jarrod said. "You can go on and get something to eat if you like. I'd like to wind down a bit first."

"I'll stay with you if you want."

Jarrod looked over at him, hard. "You're doing it. Exactly what I don't want anyone to do."

Heath held his hands up in surrender. "You're right, you're right. I'll leave you alone if you want."

Jarrod smiled. "Thanks, Heath. Good night."

"Good night," Heath said and went to the kitchen.

Heath met Nick in the kitchen and talked him into making a sandwich for him, too. Nick put the sandwiches together, saying, "Jarrod is a man with a lot of guts, isn't he?"

Heath said, "Yeah. Yeah, he is."

Jarrod took a deep sigh when Heath left and looked into the fire. He really did feel fine, just still a bit keyed up. Resting here in his favorite thinking chair, replaying everything that had happened tonight –

He didn't know where the words came from that talked Carl out of throwing his life away. True, part of it was from his own experience when his wife was killed, but not all of it came that way. Something from deeper inside of him – from a part he hadn't reached into in years – just fed him the words he needed.

And if they hadn't come, he wasn't sure if he wouldn't have thrown himself on top of Carl's arm and pushed the gun down. Even if it meant risking the bullet himself, something inside him now was saying yes, I'd have done it. Anything to keep Carl from disaster, to keep his little sister's fiancé with her for the rest of her life.

It was all about life. That's where the words came from – from deep inside of his own life, everything that was his life and everything that had led his life to that moment. And everything and everyone who was important to his life, in his past and right now.

Heath was right. He had to let everyone know what was going on with him. His life was deeply bound to theirs, for as long as he lived. He could not break that bond. At some point, yes, he knew he would have to, but not yet. Keeping his illness from them was an attempt to break it, and that was grossly unfair. He didn't know how he was going to find the courage to tell them the truth, but he would do it. And if it meant being on the receiving end of their fear and their pity every day for the rest of his life – well, there were worse things to have happen.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Audra wasn't ready to come down for breakfast – Silas was taking her a tray – so the family gathered without her. They ate, they chatted, they talked about everyone's plans for the day. Jarrod knew he was going to have to tell them about his situation now, this morning, because his need to return to San Francisco was coming fast. He couldn't just drop this on them and then go catch a train.

So he swallowed the last of his coffee, folded his hands in front of him and said, "I'd like to discuss something with all of you before we go our separate ways today."

They all looked at him, except Heath, who saw what was coming and looked down at his empty plate. Victoria saw him and suspected he already knew what his brother was going to say. You couldn't bat an eyelash and get it past Victoria Barkley.

Jarrod looked up at her. "I'd like to talk about this privately, preferably in the library, if that's all right."

Victoria nodded and said, "All right."

They all got up and went toward the library. Jarrod ducked into the kitchen to tell Silas where they were going and that they did not want to be disturbed. Then he followed his family into the library, closing the doors behind him.

Only Victoria sat down, on the sofa. Nick and Heath remained standing. Nick kept looking at Heath for a clue as to what was going on, but Heath kept a poker face. That made Nick even more certain that Heath knew what Jarrod wanted to talk about.

"All right, Jarrod," Victoria said. "What do you want to discuss?"

Jarrod took a deep breath and spoke without looking at anyone. "After we got Carl out of that alley last night, Heath and I were left alone and – something happened that he convinced me I needed to tell you about. I had an angina attack."

Victoria's eyes flashed.

"A what?" Nick asked.

Jarrod took his pills out of the inside pocket of his jacket and held the bottle up for all of them to see. "I have a bad heart, Nick. It comes after me now and then. These handy little devils – that's what I call these pills because if I call them what they are, nitroglycerin pills, it makes me feel like I might blow up. They help ease the angina pain."

Heath cracked a slight smile. Jarrod put the pills back into his pocket.

"A bad heart," Nick said, quietly now. "What does that mean?"

"The doctors call it heart failure. It doesn't mean my heart is going to stop. It only means that it doesn't work as well as it should. After you hustled Carl away last night, Nick, I had an attack of angina pain. The stress of the situation probably."

Victoria spoke up. "Have you seen a specialist, Jarrod?"

Jarrod nodded. "In San Francisco."

"Before you left us," Victoria said. It was a statement, not a question.

Jarrod looked at her and nodded. "I knew about it before I moved away, but it's not the reason I left. I have been continuing my practice, and all the reasons I left are still the reasons I told you about before I left. This isn't one of those reasons."

"Then you'll consider changing your practice and coming back home," Victoria said. Another statement, not a question.

Jarrod sighed. "Mother, it's not that simple. I can still practice my profession. I want to do that. All the reasons I left still exist, and they probably will for a long time."

"What is the doctor's prognosis?" Victoria asked, calmly, her gaze strong and steady.

Jarrod said, "I'm doing well. This is still in a manageable phase and very well may stay that way for years. If you're wondering if any doctor has said, Jarrod you have X amount of time to live, no, no one has. There's no deadline with this. I may very well go on living my life as I have been for years."

"How long have you known about this?" Victoria asked.

"Not quite a year."

Victoria sank back into the sofa a bit. Nick took that as his chance to start talking. "Why didn't you tell us before now, Jarrod?"

"For the reason I see in your eyes right now," Jarrod said, and Victoria and Heath looked at Nick. "Yes, I'm sick and it's going to get progressively worse, not better, but I'm still alive and I'm going to stay that way for quite a while. In your eyes, I'm already at death's door."

"Jarrod – " Nick started to contradict him.

"Come on, Nick," Jarrod said. "You've been where I am now and what did you do? You took off, because you didn't want to see what's in your eyes now. Thank God, you got well, but I'm not going to. I don't want to see that pity in everyone's eyes any more than you did when that wolf bit you, and that's why I haven't said anything. But last night Heath gave me a good talking to – and since I had just dished it out to Carl, I thought hard about it and decided I needed to take it from Heath. So I'm here, telling you the truth. I have symptoms but I'm all right. I can keep practicing law and I will, in San Francisco."

Jarrod saw tears in his mother's eyes now, but he was surprised at what she said next. "Your father had symptoms like this before he was killed."

"What?" Nick said.

"I didn't know until I read his journal last month, the last one before he was killed," Victoria said. "I didn't talk to you about it because – well, the holidays were coming up. I didn't want to spoil the celebration. Then Audra was attacked. I thought you boys ought to know, but I never dreamed – oh, Jarrod. I don't know what to say."

Jarrod sat down beside his mother and took her hands. "There's something else I want you all to know. Another reason it would be very hard for me to leave San Francisco. I've been seeing someone."

Everyone's eyes went wide.

Jarrod smiled. "Her name is Maggie Larsen. She's a widow, my age, no children. We've been seeing each other for a while now. And yes, she knows my health situation."

Victoria was befuddled. "Are you seriously involved?"

"Well, it's a little too early to say yet. Since we're both widowed, we have some memories complicating things, and frankly, my illness complicates things, too. But I'm enjoying her company very much, and she enjoys mine. I want to keep seeing her. I want to see where we go."

Heath spoke up. "I think that's pretty fantastic, Jarrod."

Jarrod gave him a wink. "So do I."

Victoria sighed deeply. "My head is spinning from all this."

Jarrod quickly said, "Be happy for me. There's no reason for you to be afraid for me. I'm doing fine – better than fine, thanks to Maggie. So, Mother, please don't be disappointed that I don't want to move back here right now. I'm not ready to stop living yet, and right now, my life is in San Francisco, and it's a happy one."

Victoria nodded and squeezed his hands. "Just remember we're here when you need us." Then she looked up at Nick and Heath. "And I think the two of you better discuss this with Dr. Merar. If this is hereditary, you'll need to be on the lookout."

Nick and Heath looked at each other. They hadn't thought about that. Heath said, "I'm not having any symptoms, and I don't think Nick is either."

Nick shook his head.

"Dr. Merar knows my situation," Jarrod said. Victoria looked surprised. "He's known all along, but I asked him to keep it privileged. I think Mother's right. You should at least tell him you know about me and Father."

Victoria sighed deeply again. "My head is swimming. I'm not sure how I'll explain all this to Audra."

"Let me," Jarrod said. "She deserves to hear it from me."

"I want to be with you. She'll want me, after you leave."

Jarrod nodded and got up. "And I suspect the three of you want to talk without me, too. If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the living room. I have some papers to work on."

Victoria held onto his hands just a bit longer than he expected. She looked closely at him. It was that look he didn't want to see, that motherly concern – or overconcern. He bent and kissed her on the forehead to try to make it go away. She let him go.

When he left the room, Jarrod closed the doors and waited just a moment in the hall, getting himself together. _No angina_ , he noted happily. _I did it,_ he thought, _without making myself worse_. It only took a moment before he went off to the living room.

As soon as he was gone, Victoria looked up at Heath. "What happened to him last night, Heath?"

"It was right after Nick left with Carl," Heath said. "He just started having bad pain, and he collapsed into my arms. I didn't know what to do, but he did – he took one of those pills he carries and I just hung onto him there on the ground until things seemed to ease off. It took a couple minutes to get him back on his feet, but after a while, he was almost good as new, like nothing happened."

"Blast him, why didn't he tell us?" Nick muttered.

"Watch your language, Nick," Victoria said, rubbing her forehead. "He didn't tell us for the same reason you didn't tell us when you were bitten by the wolf – and you were just as wrong."

Nick conceded that. Experience was a hard but effective teacher.

"He didn't want to tell you yet," Heath continued, "but I told him I couldn't keep his secret on this one. And I just couldn't. I'm sorry if that makes you mad at me, but I just couldn't."

"No, no," Victoria said. "I'm glad you convinced him to talk to us."

"He's afraid we'll just look at him like he's dying all the time," Heath went on. "And he's afraid because he is dying."

Victoria and Nick looked at him.

"Not tomorrow, not next week, not maybe even next year, that's what he said to me," Heath said. "But he is dying and he knows it, and he's trying to come to terms with it. Mother, I'm sorry to be so blunt, but that's where Jarrod is right now. He has to come to terms with himself, and he has to come to terms with us, too. It's a tall order."

Victoria wiped the wetness from her face and got up. "Then we'll have to lighten that burden for him. He said he's doing fine right now. Right now is what counts."

"And right now he's more worried about Audra and Carl," Heath said.

"I don't blame him," Nick said, "but I think they're gonna be okay."

"I think they are, too," Victoria said. "And if Jarrod has someone he's interested in, that makes the immediate future even brighter. That's what I intend to think about right now."

"And we better think about getting some winter feed out on that range," Nick said. He kissed his mother and said softly, "Try not to worry about any of us. We're all gonna be okay."

Victoria smiled, but it was a difficult smile.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Victoria gave Jarrod half an hour or so with his paperwork before she came to him at the small desk in the living room. She gave him a slight smile. He gave it back. He knew what she wanted.

"Do you want to talk to Audra now?" he asked.

Victoria nodded. "I think the sooner, the better."

Jarrod got up. He kissed his mother on the forehead and held her hand as they silently climbed the stairs to Audra's room and knocked.

"Come in!" came her light voice.

Jarrod ushered his mother in and went in behind her, leaving the door open. Audra was sitting up in bed, reading. She looked almost as good as new – the swelling of her lip had gone down, and there was just a light purplish yellow bruise on her chin. As soon as she put makeup on again she could cover that.

"How are you feeling this morning, darling?" Victoria asked.

"Better," she said. "I think I'd like to get out of bed and come down for lunch. Carl said he'd come by later."

"We'll set an extra place in case he wants to stay for dinner," Victoria said.

Jarrod found a lump in his throat and did not like it. He swallowed it away before he spoke. He looked so awkward that Audra noticed it. "What's the matter, Jarrod? Is something wrong?"

Victoria indicated with her eyes that Jarrod should sit down in the chair beside the bed, so he did, and he took his sister's hand. "Something I talked to everyone about this morning, and I think I need to tell you about it, too, honey."

He hesitated. Audra said, "What is it?"

"Audra, I have a health problem that I hadn't told everyone about until this morning. It kicked up on me last night while Heath was with me, and he wasn't about to keep it a secret, and I decided he was right. You all deserve to know. Audra, I have a bad heart. It gives me a lot of pain sometimes, but I have pills that help with that, and that's the gist of it. I can keep doing everything I want to do – I did go out working the cattle with Nick and Heath a few days ago, remember?"

Audra shook her head, smiling. "Jarrod, you can stop explaining. I already suspected."

Victoria and Jarrod both straightened in surprise. "You suspected?" Jarrod said.

Audra moved her hand around so that she was holding Jarrod's hand. "I noticed last spring – before I went away. Your hand was swollen at the end of the day. Sometimes you just looked uncomfortable – like you were having pain you wouldn't tell us about. When I saw Eugene back east, I told him about it. He told me what he suspected just from my description."

Victoria asked, "Why didn't you say anything when you first noticed all this?"

"I just kept telling myself it wasn't anything important. I was going to talk to you about it before you went back to San Francisco, Jarrod. I'm sorry I didn't say anything last spring. It might have helped you."

Jarrod shook his head. "I was already seeing a doctor about it, honey. This thing is manageable. You didn't do anything except maybe worry yourself needlessly."

"Eugene made me stop worrying. He said if the things I noticed were a problem they were early signs and that you would probably be all right for a long time if you kept managing it."

"Well," Jarrod said, "I guess I'll be writing a letter to Eugene to thank him. I am all right, honey. I'll be all right for a long time."

Audra squeezed Jarrod's hand.

"And," Jarrod continued, "I'm not so sick that I won't be walking you down the aisle in June. And – just so you'll know there is good news that comes along with this – I'm seeing someone in San Francisco."

Audra lit up. "Who is she? What's her name?"

Jarrod and Victoria both grinned. Jarrod said, "Her name is Maggie Larsen. She's a widow. We've been seeing each other for a while now."

"You'll bring her with you when you come next time, won't you?"

"Well, we're not quite to that point yet. We'll see where it goes. But yes, I am smitten."

Audra leaned forward and shared a kiss with her big brother. "Don't rule out a double wedding if it comes to that."

Now Jarrod actually blushed and laughed. "Well, we'll see."

Victoria said, "Why don't I help you get dressed so you can come downstairs, Audra?"

Jarrod got up from the chair. "I think that's a good idea. I'm going to put myself in the library to do some work, and I'll see you ladies at lunch."

Jarrod gave his mother a kiss and went out the door, closing it behind him.

Victoria looked closely at her daughter. "Are you really as all right as you seem?"

"Am I happy that Jarrod has heart disease?" Audra said. "No, not at all. And yes, I am worried, but Eugene talked to me for a long time, and I was planning to talk to Jarrod about it, but with the holidays and what happened the other day – I just got lost, Mother. But I'm all right now. I'm worried, but I'm not distressed. Things will be all right for a long time. I'm sure of it."

Victoria smiled, a sad but hopeful smile. "What would you like to wear today?"

XXXXX

Sheriff Madden came to the ranch just before lunch. Jarrod was in the living room at the time and opened the door to him.

"Fred, come in," Jarrod said, knowing why the sheriff was here. "Has he confessed?"

"Yeah, he talked," Sheriff Madden said. "I wanted to let you know. He won't be hurting anybody else."

"Thank you, Fred. That will ease a lot of minds around here."

"And I wanted to thank you for stopping Carl Wheeler from making a big mistake."

Jarrod's smile lessened a hair. "It was the right thing to do."

"Things worked out, that's what counts. How is Audra today?"

"She and Mother are out in the garden, seeing if they can salvage anything for the table from the onslaught of winter. Will you stay for lunch?"

"I'm afraid I can't. That rock slide down Modesto way has the train canceled for yet another day, and some of our visitors are getting testy. I don't want another Magitt on my hands." He began to turn.

"Fred, before you go," Jarrod said and the sheriff turned back. "I'm doing some confessing of my own around here, something Dr. Merar already knows about. I have yet to tell Carl, but you ought to know, too. In case I run into trouble in town."

"Trouble?"

"I have a bad heart, Fred. I get angina pain. I have pills for it that I carry around with me. I just thought you ought to know, in case."

Sheriff Madden looked too shocked to speak. He finally said, "Jarrod, I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"Well, until this morning, nobody but Dr. Merar had any idea. Feel free to talk to him if you feel any need."

"Will you be coming back here to live?"

"No, not yet. This thing could chase me around for a lot of years yet, and I like my job. I just thought you ought to know, but – don't spread it around, huh?"

"Of course not. If there's anything I can do – "

"No, no, it's not come to that yet. I'm fine. I can take care of myself."

Sheriff Madden offered his hand. "Just remember where your friends are, Jarrod."

Jarrod took it. "Thanks, Fred."

XXXXX

Carl came by late in the afternoon, and it was clear right away that whatever anger he had been harboring, about anything, was gone as soon as he held Audra's hand. He stayed for dinner, and afterward Audra felt up to walking with him outside in the early evening.

Jarrod took a peek out the library doors to watch them together. He smiled. Did he and Maggie look like that yet? Maybe. He would be heading back to San Francisco in a couple days, and he could not wait to get there. He wanted to walk with Maggie like that, soon. He wanted to feel that way again.

Behind him, she watched him for a moment, and then brushed the tears out of her eyes. "Penny for your thoughts," his mother's voice said.

He came away from the window, smiling. "Just spying on our lovebirds," he said.

"And?" she asked.

"And missing mine," he said.

Victoria touched his arm. "You don't know how happy I am to see you in love again."

"Well, I'm not sure I'm quite all the way in love again yet, but, yes, I'm on my way there, and so is Maggie. That's why I want to get back to San Francisco soon. I miss her."

"So, tell me about her. What's she like?"

"Oh, she likes long walks and afternoons in the park and Shakespeare – "

Victoria faked a punch at him. "You know what I mean!"

Jarrod laughed. "She's sweet and has the most beautiful smile you ever saw. She waits tables at the café I frequent and I'm as grateful as I can be that nobody else has snapped her up. But we're not kids. We have some issues to work out, not the least of which is lingering memories about the spouses we've lost, and my illness."

"Be happy, Jarrod," Victoria said. "Don't let any issues stand in the way of you being happy."

"That sounds like something Maggie said to me when I told her I was ill. And she's still seeing me, so, who knows? We might find those issues fading away one of these days."

"They'll fade, if it's right. And I hope, before long, she'll want to come and meet us."

Jarrod gave another glance out the library window. "If she does, you'll have two couples to watch strolling in the evening light out there."

Victoria smiled. "And I'll be peeking through these doors."


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue

The time came for Jarrod to return to San Francisco. He was actually a bit sorry about the parting. Not that he was worried about Audra – she was up and around, and she and Carl were all smiles when they were together. They would be all right, and he had no worries at all about that.

If he was worried about anything, it was the tears in his mother's eyes when he kissed her good-bye at the front door.

"Hey, now," he said and wiped them away for her. "There's no need for these. You have a wedding to plan, and it's probably a good think you'll have one less man underfoot while you do it."

Victoria smiled. "I suspect you're right about that. But our lives are emptier without you around, Jarrod. It's always been that way when you're out of town, but with you living in San Francisco – I don't think any of us really likes it."

Jarrod kissed her forehead. "It's the best thing for all of us right now. And I promise, I will come back more often for a visit."

"At some point, circumstances will probably change," Victoria said, talking around the truth of what the future held for him. "Please consider moving back here when the time is right. We really do miss you."

Jarrod took her hands and squeezed them. "I will consider it, when the time is right, and depending on the direction my relationship with Maggie takes."

"I hope It takes you both to the most joyous place in the world," Victoria said.

"That's my girl," Jarrod said, kissed her again, and went out the front door.

It was Heath who was taking him to town in the buggy. He had suspected that Jarrod was a little delayed coming out because of the good-byes inside. Victoria had been quiet all morning.

"Are you ready to go?" Heath asked Jarrod as he climbed in.

"Yeah," Jarrod said. "Mother needed a little extra attention."

Heath slapped the reins and they took off.

"I need to make a stop on the way," Jarrod said.

"Where?" Heath asked.

Jarrod hesitated, but then said quietly, "I'd like to talk to Beth for a moment."

Heath twinged – he should have known. Without a word he hurried the horses along a bit and then took the slight detour to the plot where their father and Jarrod's first wife were buried.

Once Heath pulled the buggy to a stop, Jarrod said, "I'd like a little time alone, Heath. Can you pull ahead a bit?"

"Sure," Heath said, and after Jarrod climbed down, he pulled ahead about fifty yards.

Jarrod took his hat off and walked slowly to the two graves there in among the small grove of trees. A few leaves had fallen or been blown atop Beth's grave, mounting up against her head stone. Jarrod bent down on one knee and brushed the leaves away.

"There, that's better," he said. "Good morning, my love. It's me, and I know you're probably wondering what's become of me. Like I told you last time I was here, I had to move to San Francisco. And I told you all the reasons – they don't need repeating. I thought you might like to know that I have told my family about my illness, so I'm not carrying that knowledge around alone anymore. I think you'd approve of that.

"Something else I need to talk to you about now, Beth, and I hope you approve. I think you would. I've been seeing someone. Her name is Maggie. She's a widow. Her husband died from the same thing I'm – " He hesitated to say the words, but finally went on. "The same thing I'm dying of. I don't know where this relationship is going. Frankly, I'm not sure I can ask her to go through the same thing again, but that's part of what we're working out.

"Anyway, my love, I hope you know that you will always be in my heart. Our time together will always be something so special I'm not even able to put it into words. But you and I don't need words for that.

"I'm on my way back to San Francisco now. I'll be back before too long. I just wanted you to know that I haven't forgotten you, and I'll never forget you."

He touched her name on the stone. _Elizabeth Randall Barkley._ "I love you, Beth. I always will."

He kissed his fingertips and touched her name again. Then he got up and rejoined his brother at the buggy.

The End


End file.
